Imposter Syndrome…ring any bells?

I’ve been thinking recently about Imposter Syndrome... Having set up in private practice over a year ago, I’ve certainly noticed my Imposter Syndrome popping up uninvited…do I know enough to be offering private therapy? What if I can’t help people? Am I going to be “good enough”? Having been qualified as a clinical psychologist within the NHS for over 12 years, I can recognise the knowledge and skills I have, yet there’s always a sense that

“I should know more”…and it makes me wonder, will that feeling ever go away?!

So it makes me curious as to how many of us can relate to Imposter Syndrome, either at work or in family life?

I’ve certainly spoken with a lot of people for whom a sense of not feeling good enough is all too familiar…feeling as if we’re going to get “caught out” and everyone will realise we’ve just been winging it all these years…doubting ourselves and attributing any successes to external factors or luck…it went well this time, but that’s just fluke, right?

If this is sounding familiar, you’re in good company.

Research suggests that 40 – 70% of us experience it, and I’d guess that number is even higher. Because the thing with Imposter Syndrome is, it drives us to hide it. Because of the shame and anxiety about feeling inadequate, we try our best to mask it….so on the outside, many people who relate to Imposter Syndrome are likely to look cool, calm, confident….they’ve got their sh*t together! No? On the inside, they’re likely to be experiencing stress, anxiety, dread, panic….and this can affect our wellbeing, sleep, socialising, mood, confidence…the list goes on…

So what does Imposter Syndrome look like? It’s been suggested that there are five different types of Imposter Syndrome (and they’re not mutually exclusive, we can experience more than one type – what a joy!). These often seem to relate to the unconscious beliefs we have developed about “success” and the standards we strive to meet:

The Expert – we feel as if we need to know everything in order to be good enough at            something…but of course, there’s always more we could learn or new developments to keep on top of, so we’re setting ourselves up to fail and perpetuating a feeling of never being good enough.

The Soloist – feeling as if we need to be able to do everything by ourself. If we have to ask for help – boom. We’ve failed.

The Natural Genius – this is an interesting one…it comes with a belief that in order to be good at something, we should just be able to do it. No learning or practising necessary! And how likely is that to happen? So we come to the same conclusion….failure.

The Perfectionist – this one is more commonly recognised…striving to achieve perfection, and when we inevitably don’t reach that standard (because we’re human!) we feel as if everything else we’ve done or accomplished is undermined and dismissed. Often leading to a “must try harder” cycle, or alternatively a collapse of “I can’t do anything therefore I’m not going to try”. And…no surprise here…a sense of failure.

The Super Human – feeling as if we need to be able to do everything, all of the time, effortlessly and with a smile on our face…Instagram, you’ve got a lot to answer for! And when this isn’t possible…yep, you guessed it…back to failure.

So where does this come from? Often, we may have had early life experiences that have contributed to the underlying beliefs associated with Imposter Syndrome. We may have experienced high levels of criticism, or observed parents who struggle with these same issues and internalised them into our own “rules for living”. Often, these experiences may have been quite subtle…we may have only received praise for something we were “outstanding” at, rather than those things we had to try hard at. Perhaps mistakes weren’t tolerated well, and we may have been left with a feeling of striving to receive love, acceptance, attention….rather than it being unconditional. These experiences could have been at home, or school, or may come later in life within the workplace or from a significant other.

And then these interact with how our brains are designed as human beings….we naturally have a predisposition to notice and pay attention to information that fits with our existing belief system. This means we have an innate cognitive bias to notice and remember what fits with how we think about ourselves….therefore if we hold negative core beliefs around not being good enough, we’re likely to notice the information that seems to support this belief, and discount information that doesn’t fit (thanks to cognitive dissonance!). Therefore when we do something well or succeed, we’re likely to attribute this to external factors, like the other people involved in the project, or due to factors outside of our control, such as luck. Therefore missing opportunities to nurture and build our self-confidence.

Like many things, it would be better if as a society, we were able to talk more openly about these things. Because when we’re able to – we realise it’s not just us. The shame and fear of being judged negatively makes us want to hide it, but this can just make us feel more alone with it. And we internalise it – feeling as if there must be something defective about us for feeling this way. Yet when we start having more open conversations, we realise how much of these things are shared, human experiences. Which helps us be less harsh on ourselves, and opens up ways to re-dress the balance of Imposter Syndrome, and nurture healthier beliefs about what it means to be “successful”.

So, if reading this, you can relate and you recognise that Imposter Syndrome is a frequent, uninvited guest in your life, there are lots of things that can help.

Talking to others about it is a big start, whether that be trusted friends, family or a professional. Helping to understand where these expectations or “rules for living” come from gives us opportunities to then gently challenge them, and develop healthier, more realistic goals to work towards.

And if our inner critic plays a role in our Imposter Syndrome (mine certainly does….pointing out the mistakes, noticing how much better others are, reminding me not to get too big for my boots), then working to understand what the inner critic might be trying  to do, in the only way it knows how, helps us to see behind the harsh words and see what it’s intentions are….which is usually about trying to protect us in some way, or encourage us to be the best version of ourselves. When we’re able to see this, we can instead choose to nurture a more compassionate approach to ourselves – recognising our efforts and values, encouraging and celebrating our successes, and helping us to feel “good enough” just as we are.